March 1st, 2011- the day that changed it all.
My boyfriend Kevin, and I had been having problems. It wasn’t necessarily relationship ending, but something needed to change. We were stuck at an impasse and we had no idea how to recover what we once had. We were working on talking about things and getting back to where we used to be.
Then our friend R threw a birthday party for another friend of ours. Initially I wasn’t going to go, because I didn’t feel well at all, and didn’t want to be sick and hurting at a party. But I realized it might be the last time I saw R for a while because she was going to be moving. So I decided to go.
Throughout the course of the evening, talk turned to theology, YaHuWaH (God), and Yahuwshua (Jesus). I learned more about myself and my beliefs that night. I was raised catholic and had been baptized and confirmed, had my first Communion and first reconciliation. I went to mass and sang the songs, recited the creeds, and generally was a participating catholic. I had never lost my faith in YaHuWaH, and knew that there was a Creator, but I had broadened my views so much that I lost track of the Gift that YaHuWaH gave us through Yahuwshua.
I realized that I wasn’t living my life for YaHuWaH. I was living my life for me. I had dabbled in Wicca and thought that they had a lot of valid points. The Wiccan beliefs of "Harm none" as well as the theory that everything you send out into the world will come back to you threefold (karma) made sense to me. I had this stance that all the religions were pretty much the same, they just called YaHuWaH different things. I believed in a lot of Eastern traditions and healings. I believed that we could contact the spirit world if we wanted to and it was ok to do so. I believed in a LOT of things, but that night, I realized that I couldn't believe two different sets of theology. I had to put aside things that I was believing in order to see the Truth. I can’t hold onto Wiccan beliefs when that’s not what Yahuwshua wants for me (or the Truth!). He wants me to follow Him and His Word. He wants me to believe in Him, not a myriad of pagan gods.
That night I whole-heartedly accepted Yahuwshua into my heart and into my life. I prayed: “YHWH, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep living my life like this. I just can’t do it. I need your help. I accept Yahuwshua as my savior and I want you to take over my life so I can life the way you want me to live. I am sorry for the things I’ve done wrong. I’m willing to learn what I need to do to avoid sin. I am willing to work on my demons to be closer to you. Please YHWH, if you’re there, show me the truth. Free me from this pain and desperation. Please, I just want to be happy. If You’re really there, show me.” And He showed me! My entire thought process changed. Instead of asking “What do I want?”, I ask, “What does YaHuWaH/Yahuwshua want?”
Life is about to change in ways that I can’t even fathom. While the thought of giving Yahuwshua my life is a little overwhelming and scary (imagine a crazy roller-coaster, but fun!), I know He will never hurt me, and never give me anything more than I can truly handle. I am an instrument of YaHuWaH, and He will work through me.
I can’t even begin to express my gratitude towards the people who helped me understand YaHuWaH and helped me make a huge change in my life. For the first time, someone explained things to me in a way that I could understand them. They accepted my questions and gave me answers that were backed up by Scripture. Finally I was at peace with the thought of someone else guiding my life. They also revealed to me the True Name of the Father: YaHuWaH, and the name of the Son: Yahuwshua.
And I have never felt better. The joy in my heart is truly indescribable. I now spend as many hours as I can studying the Scriptures. It seems like I'm reading them for the first time, and they make SENSE! It's YAH-some!!